Procrastination & Hesitation

Procrastination and Hesitation. Is there something you have been wanting to do “craft” wise and why haven’t you done it yet?

*sigh*

Necromancy.

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve dabbled here and there. Usually on Samhain where I leave an offering of fruit, alcohol, incense and flowers out and I open my house up as a rest stop for the traveling spirits of the dead. Last Samhain I took things a step further and walked to the cross roads (you know down the street), and left an extravagant offering as well as opened myself to communing with the spirits. I got a little tingle and a sensation of being watched.

But I’ve always wanted to delve a little deeper. Now, what has stopped me? Honestly, I’m not a necromancer. It’s a finite art and requires a stronger degree of study and knowledge than I have. I consider myself an amateur healer. The faces of my gods are Sirona, Brigid, Apollo, Aceso and their like. However it has occurred to me recently that if I want to progress as a healer, I need to respect the darker side. Healing is not just the process of maintaining the quality of life and improving it, but respecting the power and inevitability of death. To understand that, you have to allow it to be a part of your learning process.

You have to accept death in your life. Not just that but you have to seek out an intimate relationship with it and let it become your teacher.

Easier said than done. Not to mention it’s a heady proposition. I guess I just don’t feel trained enough to do something like that. Plus there is the prospect of fucking up entirely and inviting something in that I don’t want and can’t get rid of.

It comes down to this. If anyone tells you they have never been afraid of the dark, they…are… LYING. No 5 year old sat there in the dark of their room during a thunderstorm and laughed while they talked to shadows. As an adult you can reason with yourself when you wake up from a nightmare that the darkness contains nothing and that noise in the kitchen was likely one of your 3 cats getting into a fight.

As a witch, you know there is something in the dark. You know it watches you, not necessarily with malice, but watches you none the less. You are not always aware of its presence, but it can make you aware. When you get up in the middle of the night for a drink of water and you feel that firm, relentless heaviness in the air and a twitch in your shoulder. When you distinctly hear someone say something and you are the only one in the house.

Don’t lie to me and say you don’t get a little freaked.

I want to develop further. I want to progress both on a practical and magical level. But when it comes to something like this, you would be stupid not to have a certain sense of trepidation before you just go right on and do it.

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2 Responses to “Procrastination & Hesitation”

  1. Kaybird Says:

    My #1 top fear is dead things. Be it somewhat fleshy, skeletal, or invisible.

  2. I was afraid of the dark as a child. It was when I was sent to bed that my mind often turned to the concept of death. I would have trouble going to sleep because of my fear. Of course, this forced me to embrace my fear simply to end those terrible times. Half a century later, spirits are not my fear, but the spiritless are. I do not like spiritless flesh in the state of decay.

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