Summer Solstice Approaches

I have a great deal of hope set aside for this year. With the first box garden quickly growing up beautiful and the herbs starting to sprout, I feel like we are on our way to relying just a tiny bit less on grocery stores and a little bit more on ourselves. It’s a slow process of course, and we’re a long way off of chickens and such, but sometimes a dream takes time.

And of course with the summer solstice nearing, I have every intention of continuing my fair house project. The ones from last year have fallen into some degree of disrepair and so I may have to take them down and replace them. I want to ensure they have fine houses to visit.

 

Wilder Dreams

Sometimes…more often now that I think about it, I wish to goodness that I didn’t live in the city. Especially this particular city. I get aggravated at the sounds and sites and the dirt and people. I become less enamored with the convenience of it as time goes by and, frankly, bored with the surroundings.

It’s not that I don’t like our apartment. It’s nice. Two bedrooms, one bath, medium sized living room with a large dining room and kitchen. Not bad for two little lesbians who are barely covering expenses. And it’s not that I don’t like our neighbors. The ones there are to speak of (and there are few) don’t bother us and we don’t bother them. It’s like that in a renters place. People move in and out with such startling frequency you hardly give much thought to getting to know them after a while.

It’s not that I don’t like having my friends close at hand. It’s nice to know there are people within a ten minuet drive that you can count on. A party here and there, perhaps a night out on the town is a lovely thing for the soul on a physical and social level.

But there are times that I sincerely wish we lived very very far away from everything.

I see in my minds eye a long road going upwards, trees and forest on either side. You roll down the windows and smell green things and dirt and air. There are no sounds but birds and water and the roll of your wheels across the gravel as you drive.

The cabin, not to big, perhaps no bigger than the apartment we have now (save the bathroom which needs to be large enough for a wheelchair to 360 in). It’s warm in the winter, cool in the summer and quaint and cozy no matter the time of year. In the kitchen most of the food is home canned, home made, and well stocked. Mountains make for poor passage in the winter time.

Outside the house is a box garden or two. Corn, tomatoes, green beans, lettuce. Good things. Things we provide for ourselves. The plants I truly love, lavender, ginger, chive, their planted where I need them, close to the back door where I can simply walk outside the kitchen and cut what I need.

There are people, around the ways a bit. Not so close as to where I can’t walk outside naked and risk them seeing me. Not so far as to not be actual neighbors.

This is my view from the back porch.

My friend know where I am, so does my family. And they can all reach me any time. They come and spend a week or two in the summer. And we BBQ and laugh and I show them the creek where the water is just clear enough to see the bottom and just deep enough to cannonball in without hurting yourself. There are turtles and fish. You can fish if you want.

You can hike for miles in any direction and smell the world without cars or city scents.

Sometimes…

Words for the New Year

I’ve never been much for New years resolutions. They have a tendency to be far to idealistic for my tastes. Promises easily made tend to be easily broken. But then this isn’t really a New Years resolution, more like a goal I’ve been planning and working towards for nearly six months now.

The coming year holds a lot of expectancy for me. I have an associates degree to finish, a GSA to help support, an online shop to open and vending consideration to make. There is going to be a lot of activity and a lot of it stands upon the edge of a knife. I’m nervous and in the Mirror of Candor my own face sneers back, reminding me of past failures and wrong decisions, making me doubt, making me worry that this is yet another poor decision.

And yet there is, as always, the Bitch that always has my back. The one that reminds me I picked this course and it’s success or failures is dependent strictly upon my dedication to it and the level of time and effort I put into it. She is the one who reminds me not to wuss out but to press forward and find a way, even if it’s a difficult way, to make things happen. And it is her advise I follow and I take the chance and open my own business.

Don’t Eat The Food

When there is a great deal of stress in your life, it tends to effect your subconscious. The content of your dreams changes drastically and you may even find yourself having more nightmares and panic dreams. With everything that’s been happening to me lately, it’s no surprise that I had a whopper last night.

I was traveling with friends (no one I recognize just random faces) and we went to this hotel where someone told us about this great underground club. We got on an elevator to go and it plummeted so fast you could see the action lines around you. When we arrives there was this swanky club with a man in a suit and a devious smile telling us to enjoy ourselves. I walked around for a moment then got the strangest sensation and ran back to tell me friends not to eat or drink anything or we wouldn’t be allowed to leave. I told them we had to leave right away and we were being watched. As we climbed the stairs I warned them not to look behind or we wouldn’t make it to the top.

When I woke up I was automatically reminded of Persephone and Orpheus (respectively) and what their stories entail. I wonder if I am simply responding to emotional feelings of people trying to keep me down and struggling to keep my soul in the process or wondering if I just had a trip to the Underworld!